So You Were Zoned Out at Work...

Excerpt from "Cube Monkeys: A Handbook for Surviving the Office Jungle"

By CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications

A parody on "must-have" office handbooks, "Cube Monkeys: A Handbook for Surviving the Office Jungle" by The Editors of CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications (Collins) offers laugh-out-loud advice on how to make it through the workday. Full of irreverent humor from Second City Communications, the corporate division of the world renowned comedy theatre The Second City, "Cube Monkeys" features top 10 lists, quizzes, step-by-step guides, games and hilarious advice that will help make the longest 40 hours of the week seem a little less unbearable.

Here's an excerpt:

Top 10 Snappy Responses and Quick Recoveries to Questions You Didn't Hear Because You Were Zoned Out

1. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response!"

2. "Whoa, I just had one of my psychic realizations: someone in this room is embezzling money!"

3. "What did you say about my wife!?" They will quickly repeat the question.

4. Raise your index finger to your lips and say, "Shhh, let's all just listen with our hearts for a moment. I think the answer will become obvious."

5. "I must have answered this question a hundred times in the last month! Doesn't anybody listen anymore?"

6. Act as if you are silently falling in love with the person waiting for your response.

7. Act as if you are going to respond, then pause to reconsider your response. Repeat for hours on end until quitting time.

8. Hang your head and say, "What difference does it make? We're all going to die anyway!"

9. "That may be true. Or not. What do you think, Ed?"

10. "I didn't hear your question; I zoned out. I was a million miles away. Which brings up a greater issue: what are we going to do to liven up these lame meetings?"